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A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.”

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun gives him a kiss.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."
That’s funny. I appreciated reading good old fashioned joke instead these brain melting memes, thanks lol.
 

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HARD WORK…


Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine stand is always located.

He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine guy gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.

One morning the shoeshine guy asks the Executive Director:

– What do you think about the situation in the stock market?

The Director asks in turn arrogantly:

– Why are you so interested in that topic?

“I have a million dollars in your bank,” the shoeshine guy says, “and I’m considering investing some of the money in the capital market.”

– What your name? –Asks the Director.

– John H. Smith –

The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department:


– Do we have a client named John H Smith?

– Certainly –answers the Customer Service Manager–, he is a highly esteemed customer. He has a million dollars in his account.

The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine guy and says:

– Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you.

At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members:

– We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine at the corner stand; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with over a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.

Mr. Smith began his story:

– I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith.

I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two more apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business.

When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn’t spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele.

I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients.

I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine guy on the corner stand decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.

Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.



656751
 

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So funny ...Expert level !!!
 

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I would paint hair on it. Or at least that's what I need to cover up my bald head.
Piling on, but what size Q-tip would you need to clean that ear??? 🤪
 

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In the same stall, and written near the door and on an angle so you have to lean way forward and crane your neck to read it: "If you can read this, you're shitting at a 45-degree angle..."
“Beware of (derogatory 3 letter word) limbo dancers” is an old favorite
 

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75 year old man walks into a car dealership and pays cash for a brand new Corvette. Upon leaving the lot he stomps on the gas, slides sideways before recovering and speeds off down the road like a bat outta hell. He gets to the on ramp of the interstate and floors it. He's doing a 100 miles an hour and looks in his rear view mirror and sees a state trooper with his lights on right on his bumper. Feeling quite brazen with his new sports car he pushes down on the pedal and pulls away from the state trooper like he was standing still, 120, 130, 140 mph. Then he comes to his senses and says "what the heck am I doing"? He slows down and pulls over and waits for the state trooper to catch up. The state trooper walks up to his window and says "sir I have a half-hour left on my shift If you can give me an excuse for why you were driving that fast that I have never heard before I'll let you go". The old man pauses for a second then looks at the state trooper and says "years ago my wife left me and ran off with a state trooper, I thought you were him bringing her back". State trooper looks down at him and says "have a nice day sir" and drives off.
 

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This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a snowflake.
Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of COVID 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. (Sound familiar?)

Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, and hit the cars ignition.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
 

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This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a snowflake.
Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of COVID 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. (Sound familiar?)

Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, and hit the cars ignition.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
Nice rebuttal
 

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