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Elderly couple gets caught making love in the wild – their explanation has me in stitches



An elderly couple in love is precious thing, and many people claim that their sex lives improve as they get older. This couple decided to relive their wild youth, but things didn’t exactly go according to plan…

I have no idea if this story is true or not (I sure hope it isn’t!), but you have to agree that it is simply hilarious. I can guarantee that it will leave you with a smile – I couldn’t stop laughing when I read the last line and realized what had happened. Whoever want a good laugh should read this story!

Jim leans over the diner table and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over 50 years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”

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“Yes,” she says, “I remember it as if it was yesterday.”

“How about taking a stroll around there again and do it for old time’s sake?” he asks.

A mischievous smile spreads over her face. “Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”

A young police officer sitting in the next booth hears their conversation. He chuckles and thinks to himself, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers going at it against a fence. Aren’t they too old for that? I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.”

So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

Just like old times

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his pants. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in… Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, “This is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.”

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, “50 years ago, that damn fence wasn’t electric…”

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Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

"I have three questions," he says.
"First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
"Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
"And, third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time.
Who has a question?"

A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
"Johnny," he says.

"And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.

"I have five questions," he says.

"First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
"Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
"Third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?
"Fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
"And, fifth -- where's Kenneth?"
 

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Here’s a good one I heard recently -


The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In
honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But,
before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first
request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who
whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that
evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a
very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What
is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to
him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes
off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this
time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters
the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are
indeed a man of many talents but I will still kill you tomorrow. "What is
your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone
Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks
him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ***
horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!
 

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[copied from another forum]

I'm posting this with a heavy heart..

As much as I love side by sides, 4 wheelers and everything that comes with it...it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning and cooking and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be getting rid of my collection.

Below is a list of what's available. Serious inquiries only, and please don't insult me with low offers.

Thanks for reading and understanding...

1. Dustpan and broom

2. Sponges

3. Toilet spray

4. Mop and bucket

5. Window cleaner

6. Vacuum

7. Dishwashing liquid

8. Laundry detergent

9. Fabric softener

10. Laundry baskets

11. Toilet brush

12. Cleaning sprays

13. You actually read all this?

Sent from my S9+ using Tapatalk Pro
 

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I like this one because it shows how the media can pick on people.

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the Race
again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild And Free
The bishop was buried the next day.
 

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After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
 

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
 

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Some Coronavirus "Dad" jokes:
  1. Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
  2. Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
  3. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
  4. Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
  5. What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
  6. I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
  7. You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
  8. What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.
  9. Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
  10. If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
  11. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
  12. What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
  13. If Coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
  14. Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re S O L.
  15. So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
  16. Yeah I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
I know. Pretty bad.
 
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