Polaris RZR Forum - RZR Forums.net banner

1021 - 1040 of 1072 Posts

·
Living the Dream :-)
Joined
·
608 Posts
Re: Retirement Medicare Part G

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office.
He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where the hell I am now…
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
347 Posts
How many of you guys would pay for this?
View attachment 458929


I've thought about it a few times but. I just decided to run on the forgiveness instead of permission thing. I've come to 2 conclusions. 1 if you your gonna go through a week or 2 of arguing for permission. Or it's about a week to less of silent treatment on the forgiveness side. 2 if you time right around a week before that time of the month you don't have to be worried about getting cut off if she's mad for a week.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,192 Posts
A Indian guy is interviewing for a customer service phone support position. He's made it to the point where they ask about his English, he assures them he speaks English just fine, it shouldn't be a problem. They ask him to use green, pink, and yellow in a sentence. His answer, "when the phone goes green, green I pink it up and say yellow how may I help you".

He was hired on the spot. Call any call center you will probably get to speak with him.:surprise
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
223 Posts
A man goes deer hunting and falls a sleep, he wakes to a bear tapping him on the shoulder and it says " You have to options, I can have my way with you or eat you" well the man wants to live so he gives in. Next day he comes back with a bigger gun to get the bear and falls a sleep. He wakes to the bear tapping saying the same thing, dang it he has to give in. The 3rd day he comes back with the biggest gun he owns and is going kill that bear! After 20 hrs. he falls asleep. the bear taps him in the shoulder and says " Your not here for the hunting are you"
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,915 Posts
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.


One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic: Cost - $29.99
Clinton : Cost - $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill





Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember anything..

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
 

·
Living the Dream :-)
Joined
·
608 Posts
A lonely old woman wanted a husband so she posted:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (the 70’s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

With this posted she waited for her eligible applicants. And the very next came for her the first applicant and rang her doorbell. Ding dong!
She saw a gray-haired man in a wheelchair with no arms and legs. The conversation was like this.
The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you … you have no legs!” The old man smiled,
“Therefore I cannot run around on you!”
She snorted. “You don’t have any hands either!”
Again the old man smiled, “Nor can I beat you!”
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. “Are you still good in bed?”
With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
My wife says I only have two faults:

I don't listen,
and some other s**t she was rattling on about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
256 Posts
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.”

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, “Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?”

Arthur said, “Yep, that’s me.”

God said, “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can’t run without a road?”

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, “Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?

God said, “Yes.”

“Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention too:

1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft, and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!”

“Hmmmmm, you have some good points there,” replied God, “hold on.”

God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in some key words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

“Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur, “but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

:grin
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,836 Posts
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, ordered his son, "Go get your Mother".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,836 Posts
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.

"Anything from $2 to $2,000."

"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.

The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into the back of your shirt."

"How does it work?" asked the customer.

"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,836 Posts
One Monday morning, Shane the mailman, was riding through the neighborhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

"Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," Shane commented.

David, in obvious pain, replied, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4:00 o'clock Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?"

Shane thought for a moment and said, "How do you play WHO AM I?"

"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughed and said, "Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it."

"Probably a good thing you did," David responded, "Your name came up 7 times.
 
1021 - 1040 of 1072 Posts
Top